Titles in this set:
1. Diddly Squat: ‘Til The Cows Come Home (Hardback)
2. Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly
3. Diddly Squat: A Year On The Farm (Hardback)
Description:
Diddly Squat: ‘Til The Cows Come Home
Enthusiastic trainee farmer Jeremy Clarkson made just £144 in his first year at Diddly Squat Farm. This year he's determined to do better. Not because he now knows what he's doing. But because he's fed up of getting stick from Kaleb.
Yet farming continues to be a challenge.
For instance . . .
· Loading a grain trailer was more demanding than flying an Apache gunship?
· Cows were more dangerous than motor-racing?
· It's easier to get planning permission to build a nuclear plant than to turn a barn into a restaurant?
Jeremy's always got a plan. Loads of them. Often cunning.
Not always greeted with wild enthusiasm by Kaleb and Cheerful Charlie, however . . .
Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly
After three years, Jeremy Clarkson has discovered the golden rule of farming:
whatever you hope will happen, won't.
Enthusiastic schemes to diversify face defeat at the hands of the Council Planning department, or derision from Kaleb. Jeremy's plans for a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup are doubted by Lisa. And the stifling thickets of red tape keep only one person smiling – Cheerful Charlie, who charges by the hour.
But the animals couldn’t be happier. A rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro is delighting the cows. The pigs are bringing home the bacon. And the goats are . . . most probably psychopaths.
Yet on the good days it hard not to be optimistic.
Where else do you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner?
Maybe it’s not just Break-heart Maestro who gets a happy ending?
Diddly Squat: A Year On The Farm
Welcome to Clarkson's farm.
An idyllic spot offering picturesque views across the Cotswolds, bustling hedgerows and natural springs, it's the perfect plot of land for someone to delegate the actual, you know, farming to someone else while he galivants around the world in cars.
Until one day, Jeremy decided he would do the farming itself.
After all, how hard could it be? . . .
Faced with suffocating red tape, biblical weather, local objections, a global pandemic and his own frankly staggering ignorance of how to 'do farming', Jeremy soon realises that turning the farm around is going to take more than splashing out on a massive tractor.
Fortunately, there's help at hand from a large and (mostly) willing team, including girlfriend Lisa, Kaleb the Tractor Driver, Cheerful Charlie, Ellen the Shepherd and Gerald, his Head of Security and Dry Stone Waller.
Between them, they enthusiastically cultivate crops, rear livestock and hens, keep bees, bottle spring water and open a farm shop. But profits remain elusive.
And yet while the farm may be called Diddly Squat for good reason, Jeremy soon begins to understand that it's worth a whole lot more to him than pounds, shillings and pence . . .
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